It’s a good thing I was only dreaming

Last night I had the strangest dream.

I dreamed that former Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno was acquitted by a jury of his peers. Speaking (in my dream) to the news media, the jury forewoman said, “If you can indict a sitting politician from using his influence to enrich himself, his friends or his family when, other than his success, there is no hard evidence that he really did so, all the politicians in New York will have to go to jail, and fast.”

After the acquittal of the 80-year-old Bruno, I saw in my dream a powerful lawyer saying, “They didn’t catch him on a wire agreeing to do anything for anyone else, so how can he be guilty of ‘honest service fraud?’ The jury was right to acquit.” Then I dreamed I saw an old politician type with a cigar in his mouth saying, “Hey, the feds got what they wanted. He’s out of there isn’t he?” I woke up with a start and said, “Holy moley, we all know how disgusting Albany can be and we certainly don’t admire Joe Bruno for influence peddling, but don’t you have to prove something is illegal? Where will this stop?”

Then I went back to sleep and I began to dream again. I dreamed I was riding on a train and Governor David A. Paterson called me up to thank me for a column I wrote. I dreamed the state bureaucrat who was sitting next to me choked when he realized who I was talking to. I dreamed I asked the governor how he was doing despite his bad polls and Paterson, a man I much admire, told me that he had a talk with his father, Basil Paterson.

The father asked his son whether he would still like to be Senate minority leader. Said the son, in my dream, “I told him no.” Then, Paterson told me, his father asked him whether he would like to be lieutenant governor again and again, he got a “No.” “So then,” said the governor in my dream, “My father asked me whether I was glad I had the job I have and I told him, ‘yes.’”
After that, the governor went on to tell me how much he liked Pete Seeger and his song, “Waist Deep in the Big Muddy.” Then I woke up and said to myself, “That was a really nice dream. I really like David Paterson.” Then I went back to sleep again.

Now my dream turned really somber. I dreamed that New York was having a gubernatorial election and the candidates were Andrew Cuomo and Rudy Giuliani. In my dream, I lived in New York instead of Massachusetts and I had to vote. I started to sweat. I was led to the polls, like a convicted man to the guillotine. They handed me a paper ballot and a pen since I would be dead from the guillotine but my vote, they said, would be counted. I thought about both guys and with a trembling hand, after considering the alternatives, voted for Andrew. And then there was Andrew in my dream saying, “You did good Alan. Remember that when I was in the Clinton cabinet as head of HUD, I was 13th in line to be president of the United States.” I woke up bathed in sweat.

Then I had my last dream. Chuck Schumer was standing next to the new 20th District congressman, Scott Murphy, who was standing next to the accidental senator, Kirsten Gillibrand. Schumer was hypnotizing Murphy and Gillibrand and then, extending his hand, put a curse on them and turned them into Ken and Barbie dolls. I woke up and didn’t know what to make of the whole thing. Glad I was only dreaming.

Originally Published in the Legislative Gazette, 5/8/09

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