Who is this year’s biggest turkey?

So, who got this year’s annual Thanksgiving Turkey awards? Here’s my list:

The Democrats in the New York State Senate get a big fat 28 pound turkey award. Despite the heroic work of some of the best members of that group, Liz Krueger and Michael Gianaris, the folks who are fiercely holding onto leadership power (like John Sampson) just won’t let go. When they got their hands on power a few years back, they blew it so badly that voters literally tripped over one another in their haste to kick them out. They were incompetents and political prostitutes of the first order. In fact, so many of the members of their own party were put off by their behavior that a group of them they formed their own independent subset, the Independent Democratic Conference. They sold out to the Republicans for some committee chairmanships and other trinkets, including lame opponents in their reelection efforts. Each of these folks deserves a turkey wing for their efforts. And if that wasn’t bad enough, several of the so-called Democratic guys and gals who held power the last time out are either in jail or on their way there.

It is no wonder that Governor Andrew Cuomo keeps finding ways to support the Republicans in the Senate, despite the fact that he ran down to the Democratic National Convention in North Carolina to give a stem-winder speech to the Democratic delegation about the need to defeat the evil Republicans. It is tempting to give a turkey bone to the governor for this seeming inconsistency but that would only offend him and that is the last thing I want to do.

Then, of course, there are the turkeys in the other party led by the photogenic Dean Skelos. Frankly, the behavior of these people is enough to make you lose your stuffing. If certain key Democrats in the Senate like Jeff Klein and his followers resemble members of the world’s oldest profession for selling themselves to the Republicans, it is the Republicans who deserve the very rear end of the turkey for their procurement of these errant Democrats. 007 has nothing on these guys – they go along picking off a Democrat here and there to make sure that the red Republicans in New York continue to rule even though the state is dark blue in color and the Assembly is truly reflective of the state’s political composition. I really wonder how some of these people can sleep at night considering their shenanigans in gerrymandering (with Cuomo’s help) districts in which they can’t lose. I just keep thinking of all those brave kids in Afghanistan and Iraq who gave their lives and limbs to fight for democracy.

Of course, a turkey neck award goes to the pro-fracking folks who know damned well how dangerous fracking is yet are willing to risk the health and lives of our children who will be the ones drinking water that may be polluted by dangerous chemicals. The industry has spent millions of dollars pushing for the drilling. The fact that the New York City drinking supply is considered off-limits to the frackers tells us a great deal. If the New York City water supply is considered untouchable, then why is it okay to risk the water under the Marcellus Shale? We know that we don’t yet have the technology that will allow us to proceed safely. The Department of Environmental Conservation lacks trained inspectors to ascertain that we are doing it right. The evidence indicates that we should proceed very, very slowly on this. So why do the frackers not look in the mirror? It’s all about money and we all know it. That mirror would show them a bunch of big fat turkeys. Come to think of it, I wonder where they’ll roast?

Originally published in the Legislative Gazette, 11/26/12

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One Comment on “Who is this year’s biggest turkey?”

  1. Jack Reylan Says:

    Ding Dong Screw Loose got hit by his own Margiotta Caboose. Stick a plunger up Cuomolectual Cox Yucker Bloombugger’s nose to relieve his congestion pricing and his metric system. Spray DDT to kill the bedbugs and roaches that infest Manhattan minds. When we were allowed to smoke, TB and bedbugs got fumigated. Parasite Manhattan residents, like Washington DC and exconvicts should not be allowed to vote, unless they want to vote in Europe. Move all the parasite universities to Manhattan and tax all college degrees and net present value of rent control to reduce our property taxes. Require a valid driver license for any employment. Double tax any parasite not working for profit. Build and join rail hubs at Woodside and West Farms to bypass Manhattan. Liberate Long Island City and Brooklyn from over a century of 1898 Tamanend oppression. Move UN, missions, residences to Governor’s Island surrounded by gators. Anyone who shops at Whole Foods must consume at least one of their own organs weekly. Apartment dwellers must consume any vermin found on their premises. Turn Central Park into a smelly green waste processing facility. Firebrand the forehead of anyone having an abortion. Access in and out of subway stations should only be by firepole.

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